During my first pregnancy, I was elated and planned everything to the T. I also was very anxious as all new mothers can relate. What would motherhood be like for me?  What would my parenting style be? What about tarbiyyah? Constant internal questions, and so I spoke to many mothers who could give me tips. I was told once by a friend “you’re ready for this being around your siblings babies, so you know everything already.” That, I wish could be true. Motherhood does not come with manual and if it did, would it really work for every child out there in the world each with its unique characteristics and personality traits?   

When I first saw and held my first born, I couldn’t properly process the emotions I felt. Was it real? Have I really become a mother? I couldn’t tell, it felt surreal. I was emotional, I was happy, stuck in deciphering if I was in reality or not. Perhaps it was from the lack of sleep before labor added to the pain medications I swore I wouldn’t take ( birth plan .. what?!). One thing I immediately knew was that my life had changed forever. I am grateful Allah blessed me with carrying this role. Motherhood is beautiful, challenging, and has transformed me into the person I am and continue to be.  

As a mother to three children now, ages seven, three and two, the hardest role I have is being their mother. Nonetheless, what gets me through each day SubhanAllah is frequently reminding myself that being their parent is an act of worship (Ibadah), and that every exhaustion, every tear, every doubt, every night of sleep deprivation does not go unnoticed by Allah (s.w.t.)

The prophet Muhammad peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said in an authentic Hadith:

عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عُمَرَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ أَلَا كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ فَالْإِمَامُ الَّذِي عَلَى النَّاسِرَاعٍ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ وَالرَّجُلُ رَاعٍ عَلَى أَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ وَالْمَرْأَةُ رَاعِيَةٌ عَلَى أَهْلِ بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا وَوَلَدِهِ وَهِيَ مَسْئُولَةٌ عَنْهُمْ وَعَبْدُالرَّجُلِ رَاعٍ عَلَى مَالِ سَيِّدِهِ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْهُ أَلَا فَكُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ

Abdullah ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 7138, 

(Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1829).

I live by this hadith. I am responsible for my children. Their akhlaaq, their education (both Islamic and secular). Therefore I view motherhood not only as a responsibility, but as worship which will InshaAllah earn me rewards!  This shift in mentality, this mindset, is profound. It has helped me when I felt overwhelmed, impatient, and burnt-out!

Allah (s.w.t.) is most kind, and He would not place us in a position we are unable to handle. So dear sisters, mothers, soon to be mothers, live with Ihsan. Parent with ihsaan. Embrace this journey with me and remind yourself you are able, capable, and not what your “mom guilt” thoughts tells you you are. 

With love,

Aisha